In a world where laundromats lie empty along forgotten streets, neon lights weakly flashing "New Machines Available;" where washing clothes is a chore, not a pleasure; where stains are so prevalent you can't tell what the original color was; one girl is making a difference.
The sun is setting as a lone figure enters the laundromat "Loads of Fun," basket of laundry tucked under one arm. Fluorescent lights flicker on to illuminate walls of deserted washers and driers. The girl sighs and sets her basket on the floor next to the nearest vacant seat. Her name is Izzy, and she is one of the few laundromat patrons left in the world. Izzy glances around the obviously-empty room again before disappearing between two of the large washers.
Seconds later, a new girl emerges. She is wearing similar clothes to Izzy, but there is a large "LG" emblazoned on her shirt and a bed-sheet tied around her neck to act as a cape. This is Laundry Girl: champion of justice and defender of clean clothes everywhere.
Immediately, Laundry Girl springs into action! From a hidden pocket in her jeans, she pulls out a handful of quarters, assumes a pose meant to concentrate all her abilities into the throw, and...
With expert marksmanship, Laundry Girl flings the quarters through the air directly at one of the washing machines!
They hit their mark one after another, each quarter clinking its way into the coin slot of the machine. Before you could blink, Laundry Girl loads all her darks into the washer and deftly adjusts all settings: medium-sized load, cold water.
As the machine spins into life, Laundry Girl can relax; her work is done, for now. She takes a seat, pulls out a book and settles in for a good read. But seconds later the door is thrown open and a crazed man bursts into the laundromat.
It's esteemed writer/director M. Night Shyamallama !!! What an unexpected twist.
In an even more disturbing and unexpected twist, Shyamallama rips off his pants and holds them high in the air. For some reason, they're covered in what appear to be grass stains. A fact which is causing an extreme level of discomfort for Shyamallama.
"MY PANTS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!" Shyamallama screams in Laundry Girl's face.
"... Just mix together some baking soda and vinegar and rub it on the back; the stains will come right out," Laundry Girls suggests.
"You don't understand, I'm M. Night Shyamallama. Just look at my shirt! And my PANTS!"
Laundry Girl takes a second to register the strangers identity before exclaiming, "you were the one who butchered my favorite TV series!"
She springs out of her chair and rushes at the monstrous filmmaker, preparing to knock him to kingdom come. M. Night Shyamallama adopts a "fighting pose" of his own, ready for the attack.
"Hello, would either of you be able to tell me what year this is? I'm blind, you see, so I can't tell for myself..." the figure asks.
"Two-thousand tw-" Laundry Girl begins to tell him, but M. Night Shyamallama cuts her off.
The blind man man awkwardly backs away saying, "I'm gonna go..." while Laundry Girl picks herself up. Unseen by Shyamallama; however, she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a few quarters, launching them at Shyamallama's face as she rises.
M. Night Shyamallama falls to the floor apparently seriously injured, only to jump back up as if nothing had happened.
"Actually, I've been dead all this time, so that was pointless," he scoffs before hitting Laundry Girl with his best right jab.
Laundry Girl is thrown into the laundry-cart bay, causing an enormous, metallic racket. While Shyamallama gloats about the hit, Laundry Girl takes the chance to meditate. She turns inward, searching for the best way to defeat her enemy.
Like most heroes, Laundry Girl has a spirit animal to aide her in troubling situations. Hers is a squirrel; a laundry squirrel to be precise.
"Sweep the leg," Laundry Squirrel tells her.
"No, no. That's been copyrighted I think," Laundry Girl thinks, "and besides, that's the Cobra Kai; I'm the good guy!"
"Well why don't you just you that ironing board over there?" Laundry Squirrel offers. He starts getting really excited about his idea (as squirrels do) and enters his hyperactive-squirrel mode.
It's not much use trying to reason with Laundry Squirrel when he gets like this, so Laundry Girl emerges from her meditation and disentangles herself from the mess of carts. She spots the ironing board on the wall a few feet from her and makes a move towards it.
"You're alive?!?" M. Night Shyamallama shouts incredulously, "But you were lying still for, like, a minute!"
Laundry Girl just shoots him a disgusted look and smashes the glass covering the ironing board. She extracts the new weapon and turns to face Shyamallama, saying,
"It's time for the rinse cycle, and you're all out of quarters."
Laundry Girl sprints at M. Night Shyamallama, drawing back the board to hit him. And she does. The ironing board collides with his skull so hard that he instantly regrets ever making that horrid movie and soars across the length of the laundromat to smash into a washer at the end.
He lies on the floor, completely knocked out by the power of Laundry Girl's attack. As his eyes spin dizzying circles, something peers down at him through the door of the machine.
Its the fabled "Lady in the Washer!" She wrenches the door open, leans out, and grabs M. Night Shyamallama, retreating into the washing machine with the villain in tow.
After that, there is only silence marked by the occasional drip of water on the linoleum floor. M. Night Shyamallama is gone for good.
Laundry Girl jumps into the air pumping her fists.
"I did it! I finally rid the world of that menace!" she celebrates. The washer she was using buzzes and whirs to a stop. The whole encounter with Shyamallama had taken less than the time of a wash cycle.
Triumphantly, Laundry Girl gathers up her wet clothes and hauls them over to the nearest dryer. After loading the laundry, she claps her hands together and turns around to survey the laundromat.
Everything is in ruins. The cart-well is full of bits of twisted metal all warped together; five or six washing machines are busted up, the doors hanging ajar; the water leaking out of the Lady in the Washer's machine is spreading across the floor; and M. Night Shyamallama's pants are still on the ground next to the door.
With an air of dignity, Laundry Girl starts back towards her chair and bends down to pick it up. But before she can, she slips in the pool of water and falls flat on her face.
---
The next day, Izzy goes to the doctor to find out what happened to her ankle. The doctor examines it for a second, taps on a couple of bones, and exclaims,
"What a twist!"
Yet another brilliant work by two promising engineers!
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